Turning what you love to do into a second income stream

Well, no: not THAT what you love to do!

My late friend Jerri, about whose shopping hobby you read recently, had an incredible eye for clothing. She owned racks and racks of really cute clothing, much of it designer-label and most of it purchased on sale. She absolutely loved to shop, and she was very good at it.

Right now I have on a beautiful silk shirt that her daughter gave me. It’s a couple of sizes too large—Jerri was a bit portly in her old age—but worn over a coordinating shirt, it works to create an awesome, arty-looking tunic. The effect is really nifty.

If I had known that Jerri could do this—find amazingly cute clothing in stores where I never shop at prices I never manage to extract from retailers—I would cheerfully have paid her to help me shop.

I’m no good at shopping. When I go into a clothing store, what I see is a jillion square feet of look-alike clothing that

a. doesn’t fit me;
b. by and large is ugly;
c. looks like it was designed for or by a teenaged hooker; and
d. is hugely overpriced.

It’s a real struggle to force myself to paw through rack after rack after endless rack of this stuff searching for something that fits, that looks OK on me, and that I can afford. To me, shopping isn’t fun; it’s a pain in the tuchus.

Jerri’s shape was even less like a 17-year-old babe’s than mine is, and she managed to find a boutique’s worth of clothing that looked good on her. Two or three sizes smaller, and it all would have looked good on me, too. She had a real skill. IMHO, it was a salable skill. 

I know I’m far from the only woman who views shopping for clothes as an unpleasant chore—several of my friends have expressed the same sentiment, including one with a real flair for style. It seems to me that Jerri could have made herself a nice sidestream income by hiring out as…what? A shopping coach! She could have indulged her joy in shopping by selling her time as a shopping consultant to women who don’t enjoy searching for that one thing that works among the acres of chaff. Because she had a wonderful and funny personality, she could make a shopping trudge into a fun outing. I’ll bet she could have found enough women who would have paid her to help them buy clothing to supplement her Walmart salary pretty handsomely.

On the other hand…

Some years ago a friend of mine was left penniless during a divorce. Literally, for two or three weeks she ate nothing but zucchini out of a backyard garden, while she used the few dollars she had to feed her two small children. She let the dog run loose to forage out of the neighbors’ garbage cans. She took a miserable job waiting tables, an occupation for which she was decidedly not suited—this was in the days when coffeeshop owners felt free to order their waitresses to wear skimpy costumes and bone-crushing shoes (sex sells hamburgers, too), and so you can imagine what the job was like. 

This friend had studied photography on the college level for several years and had quite a gift for it. She had an acquaintance who owned a major portrait studio in the city. I asked her why she didn’t try to get a job there or at least see if this person could help her get in with some other studio.

She said she didn’t want to spoil something that she loved to do by having to make a living at it. Since she didn’t last long at waitressing, apparently she felt strongly enough about this that she was willing to go hungry rather than turn a pleasurable pursuit to profit.

What say you? Given that it’s a good idea to establish more than one stream of income, is turning a hobby into an income-generating occupation out of bounds? Would you convert your favorite pastime into paying work?

‘Nother moment of fame

Last week Funny’s hint on how to get better, cheaper hamburger made the Money Hacks Carnival, which went live at Steadfast Finances with an eye-catching ferris-wheel photo. For some reason this is a carnival I tend to overlook, possibly because it doesn’t go up on the same schedule as my usual haunts. And it shouldn’t be missed: this week, for example, the carnival gathers quite a few interesting and useful posts.

Check out the Online Savings Blog, where Fred Siegmund has the temerity to suggest that teachers should be paid fairly, and that to get there we need to update the FLSA. Passive Family Income reports the growth of mini-Hoovervilles in the woods near his home; reminds me of the clusters of six to ten homeless people I’ve seen camping together along the Arizona Canal. Over at Financial Wellness Project, FWP figures ways to reduce the cost of vehicle insurance (he drives a motorcycle, but most of these would apply to your car or truck). And at Bible Money Matters, Peter gets a conversation going about the advisability of borrowing against your 401(k).

Dow up, in spite of it all

Well, folks, I tried to bring down the world’s economy by staying home on Black Friday, and it didn’t work: by golly, the Dow had its best week since 1932. Apparently it’s not necessary for us all to keep spending ourselves into bankruptcy to keep this country going.
Written by Funny about Money. © 2008
Not that some didn’t have their hearts in it. In Palm Desert, enthusiastic shoppers got excited enough to take a few pot shots at each other, killing two. Even more amazingly, at a Long Island Walmart happy consumers trampled an employee to death in their stampeding ecstasy over the bargains to be had inside the store. Wow! What a country.
Written by Funny about Money. © 2008  
Now I enjoy the consumer society as much as the next person. What could be better than being able to buy every electronic toy, every glad rag, every ludicrously sweet and gummy riff on a cup of coffee the human mind can conceive in every city, town, and wide spot in the road? And yeah, I know it’s unAmerican to resist (not to say futile). But here’s my problem with consumerism as the driving force of an economy:

It’s fake.

It doesn’t DO anything. It’s hollow. It’s empty. It’s a STIFF PARROT. Dependence on buying as a major engine—possibly the main engine—in our country’s economy means that we depend on hot air. On nothing. Why? Because we’re producing less and less. Try to buy something that’s made in America—go ahead: try to find a baby’s crib manufactured in this country. Read the label on a package of hamburger: the mashed meat you’re buying came from Mexico and Canada, with maybe a little coming from the U.S. Americans aren’t doing anything productive.

Oh, you say: but we’re all doing brain work. That’s why we need such a highly educated workforce.

Ever notice how many young people with solid degrees from excellent universities are working in call centers or selling books and gewgaws at a Barnes & Noble? Ever actually looked at what goes on in high-rise office buildings? Not much. Most of the activity entails pushing paper, whether physically or electronically. Have we counted lately how many of our people spend their working lives answering telephones or pushing papers? Or selling stuff, most of it imported? Few of these jobs are highly paid, because few of them deserve to be highly paid. Because they produce nothing.

As the real estate bubble was blowing up, I recall wondering who all those houses were being sold to, and how. Most of the people buying new Styrofoam-and-plaster houses were already living in the Valley, in perfectly fine block homes in perfectly fine neighborhoods. They were being induced to take on huge mortgages to move (about once every three years, at one point) into cheaply built structures in elbow-to-elbow tracts. This was called “development.” Basically it was a form of churning. Nothing of much value was being built, and nothing that made our city better was happening. 

Go out to Scottsdale, Arizona, and you’ll see mile on mile on mile of expensive homes, well beyond the means of a family with one middle-class earner and well beyond those of a family with two middle-class earners. Where, I used to wonder, was all that money coming from? The answer, as we all know now, was nowhere: it was make-believe money. 

It was fake. Fake money generated through bad lending practices and paid for, all too often, with jobs that produce nothing.

We need to get back to making things. That cheap labor overseas to which we’ve outsourced our productivity is undermining our economy in more ways than simply making well paid blue-collar jobs extinct. It has sapped the intrinsic value of what we do for a living, and in doing so, it saps an important part of our people’s work ethic and, ultimately, our country’s ability to survive. Americans expect to earn more than slave wages for factory work. And a population that earns more is in a position to pay more. Over time, the off-shoring of productivity and the influx of cheap goods have meant that our real wages have dropped, because employers do not have to pay us as much to keep us happy (in a superficial way) and because the unions that used to keep our wages up have been mothballed. Prices have had to come down not because stuff is produced more cheaply overseas but because American workers couldn’t afford the products if they were manufactured by people who earned a fair wage.

America’s economy needs to be rebuilt. We need to structure our economy on production, not on paper-pushing, circularity, and sales commissions.

Black Friday: To plunge into the maelstrom or not to plunge?

There are a bunch of things I’ve been thinking that I’d like to get, whether or not I’m laid off next month. It’s eleven o’clock in the morning; the mobs (if any) will be in full force at the stores by now. Do I want to go out and see if I can get stuff at a discount?

Lemme think…  Here are the items I imagine I need:

• A small HDTV-ready television to sit on top of the refrigerator, to replace the tiny portable I have up there that’s too old to make the conversion.
• A pair of nightstands large enough to accommodate a book and a glass of water without pushing the lamp off onto the floor.
• A small occasional table for the living room, to replace a table that’s pretty much worn out.
• A Macintosh laptop
• Apple’s Airport gadget

Do I really WANT to run out and search for these things? Let us consider…

A small HDTV television

Televisions are stupidly overpriced these days. It’s unlikely that I can touch what ought to be a $60 gadget for much less than $350. Do I really need to spend $350 to watch the PBS NewsHour while I’m fixing dinner?

Verdict: Naaahhhh! I’ll miss Jim Lehrer come February, but there’s a perfectly fine radio in that room. I can turn on NPR News instead. Also, with the HD service, you can catch the NewsHour later in the evening on one of KAET’s three HD stations. It’s not like there’s anything else to watch during prime time, most evenings.

A pair of nightstands

Hmm. I would like a better pair of nightstands. The ones I have won’t accommodate much more than a lamp. The phone has to sit on the nightstand that’s on the other side of the bed from where I normally sleep. With Cassie having taken up residence on the bed, there’s now a dog as well as a broad expanse of mattress and a tangle of bedding between me and the telephone. In an emergency, climbing out of the nest and over the dog to dial 9-1-1 in the dark could pose a problem. Plus I hate it that I have to throw books and magazines on the floor under the bed when I’m ready to go to sleep, and that I have to be e-x-t-r-e-e-e-m-e-l-y careful not to bump a glass of water onto the floor if I have the temerity to bring such a thing into the bedroom.

The only pieces I’ve seen that appeal and that are anywhere near my price range are at Ethan Allen. Three hundred fifty bucks is on the high side of the price range, and when you consider that I need two of them, I’d  have to get a significant discount to afford them. On the other hand, such a discount might be available today.

But…just to find out whether a discount is available, I’d have to consume a quarter tank of gas traipsing to Scottsdale through murderous traffic and then fight for a place to park. Ugh. This is not a pleasing prospect. I’m not sure it’s worth the effort. I have a perfectly fine pair of nightstands that will do. I just need to quit putting a glass of water on the nightstand and quit complaining about having to store reading material on the floor.

Verdict: probably nix

A small occasional table

Pier One apparently has been having trouble moving the junk off its floors. Those stores have sales all the time, and some of their stuff is sorta cool. I’ll bet I could get something comparable to the cheap Indian inlaid table my father rescued off the docks in Ras Tanura back in the 1950s and preserved for the ages in polyurethane. 

On the other hand, probably I could spiff up the Indian table with the application of some cleanser, a bit of steel wool, and another coat of polyurethane.

Verdict: Go buy some mineral spirits, a small can of polyurethane, and a paint brush.

A Macintosh laptop

At first blush, the comment on that proposition is har har har har har! 

On the other hand… I’ve been getting some ominous error messages from the iMac—yesterday even M’hijito couldn’t figure out what its problem was—and my Quicken records have been converted to Mac format and can’t be unconverted. If I’m to keep my Quicken archives with any continuity, I’ll have to stay with Apple.

On the other other hand, I could start anew on January 1 with a much, much cheaper PC. The MacEmperor, after all, has few if any clothes. Both platforms have their shortcomings and their annoyances. It’s easy to store all of one’s Quicken files in PDF format, so at least I’d have records in case of an audit. 

But on the other³ hand, Windows is annoying as hell; Dell’s customer service varies from nonexistent to excruciating; and all the antivirus, antimalware, and firewall software clogs the operating system to the point where it barely runs. Ugh. Do I really want to get another one of those things?

Verdict: If I don’t buy any tables I could probably afford a small Mac laptop. Maybe.

Apple Airport

Do I need this?

No.

Do I want it?

Yesh.

Can I afford it?

Sure.

Verdict: Probably. Maybe. Get this. Yeah. Get this.

Well, you can be sure that the Apple Store won’t be offering any discounts. They never do…’cause they don’t have to. So there’s no hurry to race out and get these highly optional pieces of gear. 

Think I’ll stay off the streets today. It’s time to do the laundry, anyway.

Moral of the story: Weigh each purchase before running out to buy it on sale. You may save yourself not just the mark-down, but the whole marked-down price.

How to make real cranberry sauce

Good TG dinner. Guest asked me for a recipe for the cranberry sauce we served. Videlicet:

You need:

1 bag of fresh cranberries
1 cup sugar
1 cup water
1 orange
1/2 stick cinnamon or a few twists of a cinnamon grinder, or about 1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
a few twists of a nutmeg grinder, or about 1/8 tsp ground nutmeg 

saucepan
sharp paring knife or vegetable peeler
slotted spoon
small serving dish 

Using a sharp knife or vegetable peeler, peel the zest off an orange. Cut the orange in half.

Combine the sugar and water in the saucepan and bring to a boil. Allow to cook down about 1/4. Add the cranberries, orange zest, and spices. Bring back to the boil and then turn down to medium heat. Cook gently until the berries burst. With the slotted spoon, lift the berries out of the syrup and place in a dish. Pick out and discard the cinnamon stick and the orange zest (actually, this makes a candied orange zest that can be eaten or chopped finely and served over the berries or over ice cream). 

Remove the seeds from the orange and squeeze the juice into the remaining syrup. Reduce (boil down) the syrup by about 1/3 to 1/2. Pour this over the berries. Cover and chill.

Watch out for “sales” that aren’t

A local TV station reports that alleged markdowns at a Linens & Things going-out-of-business sale are anything but. 
Written by Funny about Money. © 2008
Our Intrepid Reporter took a close look at the price tags and discovered some showed X-ed out prices that were lower than the “sale” price. Other items had layers of price tags, through which an archaeological dig showed prior lower asking prices. An item advertised as 30% off had been marked up more than 40%, so that the “sale” price was more than the former sticker price.

Be careful out there.

Through the looking-glass in Layoff-Land

Never let it be said that The Great Desert University is not a weird place to work.
Written by Funny about Money © 2008
Yesterday one of our client editors dropped by to break a bottle of champagne over the latest issue of her journal to set to sea. While we were confabulating, the subject of the next issue came up, and I remarked that of course I did not know whether our office will still be in business when the spring 2009 issue is in preparation for press. 

This caused a moment or two (or three) of stunned silence.

While she was struggling to catch her breath, I explained that the rumor mill first had it that everyone in my job category was to be laid off; then that only certain people in my category would be laid off; then that 50 people on our campus will go; then 100. 

She said the university can’t be that broke, because it’s still hiring: her department is doing three searches right now, and Our Beloved Employer finally signed the candidate for the directorship of our sister program. I pointed out that the Learning Factory of Baja Arizona has a hiring freeze on; that I’d applied for a job there only to see the opening go away. 

(Good God! She applied for a job there!?!) You could see the alarm as the thought registered.

This is one of those midcareer academics who’s been around long enough to have considerable clout but not long enough to be paid equitably. That means she has access to various ears.

“Well,” said I, “if you know any political strings to pull, now is the time to pull them, because from what I’ve been told the decisions will be made in December.”

“Okay,” said she.

Forthwith, she put the electronic touch on her chair, forwarding a copy to moi. 

About three hours later, along comes this message from Her Deanship:

Just a note to say that we value the work of [your office] and the work you all do to support our journals. This is an integral part of [our vast unit's] operations and value added.

This is classic Deanspeak. Deans do not say anything, not so much as “hello, how are you today,” in a direct manner. To do so would put them and everyone around them at risk. So, they speak in code.

What does it mean? Let’s parse it:

• We value the work of your office: effectively without meaning. Everyone’s work is generally valued, even that of the scores of faculty associates who have already been canned. It’s an effort to be kind. 
• …support our journals…: meaningful. The degree to which a position supports the university’s mission will determine the likelihood that it will or will not survive the coming purge. Our office supports two parts of that mission: we support research and we provide meaningful real-world vocational training. Big, though not huge.
• …an integral part of [our vast unit's] operations…: this could border on huge. “Integral part” means “our vast unit would be significantly harmed by the loss of this program.” Good.
• value added: interesting new buzzword! I haven’t heard that one in the present context. We’ll be tracking down its source and using it in our next report.

Mmm hm. I believe the gist of this message is “I don’t think you’re going to be laid off.”

LOL! We’ll find out soon enough. The Board of Regents meets in the first week of December; after that, more layoff announcements are expected.

The 86th Carnival of Money Stories

Welcome to the Thanksgiving 2008 edition of the Carnival of Money Stories. Before we begin, I think we should pause to reflect on all the things we have to be thankful for, despite the darkening economic clouds and the tough times they seem to presage. Money, thanks be to God, isn’t everything. As we discover the stories our friends offer this week, let’s consider life’s little lagniappes with them.
by Funny about Money. © 2008 The Carnival of Money Stories. 
First, thank goodness for story! Story is the basic way we humans speak the important truths we want to share with our children and our tribe. And folks, some people can really tell a tale! 

♥ fwp
The Financial Wellness Project
The Beginnings of Debt (Or, How I Was Unable to Resist a Free T-shirt) 
An old tale and a true one. 

♥ J. Money
Budgets Are Sexy
What’s Up with Your Pictures, J? Did You Get Them? Tell Us?
Okay, okay, it’s NOT funny…but J’s strategy is pretty darned hilarious. The saga continues….

♥ Michael Bass
Debt Prison
Should You Cosign for a Friend for Family Member?
Would anyone like to lay a bet that the answer is “why, sure”?   

♥ Jim
Blueprint for Financial Prosperity
How to Close an Account at Washington Mutual
Uh oh! There’s a wrong way to do this…  

Let us give thanks that we’re not in this alone…

KCLau
KCLau’s Money Tips
Buy Term and Invest the Difference
The puzzle of whether to buy term or whole life insurance faces people in Malaysia, too. Ah, the glories of globalization! 

Miss M
M Is for Money
I Feel Guilty When I Spend Money
Has Miss M trained herself too well for frugality?

Todd
Harvesting Dollars
Fundraising at Work
Todd faces a charitable conundrum. 

Ryan Suenaga
Uncommon Cents
When Emergency Spending Becomes Overspending
Ryan continues to struggle (expensively!) with the attempted theft of his vehicle. 

Brooke
Dollar Frugal
School Projects and Crafts
Feeling flamboozled about the constant flow of requests for school materials, Brooke seeks advice on where to find affordable stuff for the kiddies. 

Nickel
Five-cent Nickel
The End of the 401(k) Match?
Based on a recent news report, Nickel imagines corporate life without matching 401(k) contributions. 

The Happy Rock
Gas Prices: The Silver Lining of the Recession
Rock is grateful for cheaper fill-ups but wonders how much longer that will last. 

Sun
The Sun’s Financial Diary
Citibank Closed My Dividend Platinum Select Card
What are the ramifications when a lender decides to close a dormant account?

…That hard work and persistence eventually do pay off…

FIRE Finance
Three Quick Steps to Get Out of Debt
In which we learn how the FF’s used “TCT” to dig themselves completely out of debt. 

Mr. ToughMoneyLove
Year-End Retirement Funding? The Moment of Truth Approaches
Mr. T confronts questions of what (or whether) to do about his various investment vehicles. 

…That fits of high dudgeon can be pretty entertaining, at least to others…

FMF
Free Money Finance
Memo to Self: Yes, I Really HATE Sears! 
LOL! Another Don Quixote tilts at the consumer (dis)service windmill. 

…That we are wily and clever and figure out how to get deals…

Green Panda
Green Panda Treehouse
How We Saved Money by Creating Our Own Cable, Phone, & Internet Bundle
Smart panda!

Aahz
Philaahzophy
Gas Prices Not Dropping Fast Enough? How about Free?
Our hero figures out how to score free or nearly free gasoline. Maybe. 

Chief Family Officer
Works for Me: Duplicate Checks
You’ve heard that when baby is born, there’ll be some changes made? Yup.

Silicon Valley Blogger
The Digerati Life
Last-Minute Gift Ideas and Shopping Tips for Holiday Procrastinators
How SVB learned to put Christmas shopping off till the last minute…and what she does about it. 

Mr. CC
Ask Mr. Credit Card
Turned Down for a Student Loan
This post uses a couple of brief reader’s stories as kick-off points for advice; also check out the interesting comment from reader Kayleigh, which will stand your hair on end. 

PT
Prime Time Money
An Update on My ESPP Flip
How PT generates almost immediate cash from an employee stock purchase plan.

vh
Funny about Money
Costco and the Single Girl
A day in the life of a bulk shopper

…And that some things are more important than money!

The Smarter Wallet
Create Your Family Holiday Traditions and Save Money
Some strange (and funny!) commercial Christmasisms lead Wallet to build more meaningful Christmas traditions.

Next week’s Carnival of Money Stories will be hosted by Financial Wellness Project. Be sure to submit your stories to the Carnival before the December 1 deadline! 

Best of wishes to everyone for a happy Thanksgiving. Or, if you’re reading this from outside the U.S., for many good things in your life to give you joy and thanks.
This carnival post was written by Funny about Money.

Moments of Fame

Wow! GREAT Carnival of Personal Finance this week! It (Carnival No. 180) just went online over at Living Almost Large, who also included Funny’s rumination about the patriotism (or not) of frugality. You have got to see the editor’s picks! It’s hard to be hilarious about a recession, but I laughed over Kevin’s witty 12 Days of Christmas During a Recession, at the Red Stapler Chronicles. After days of red-eye travel, Beyond Paycheck to Paycheck comes up with a nice metaphor for life in the indebted lane. How LAL managed to separate out just a few editor’s picks escapes me, because so many of the posts are really excellent. Check out Andrea’s theoretical journey at Fools and Sages, for example. This carnival is more than worth a visit.

Eco Joe reports getting hundreds of submissions for this week’s Festival of Frugality. More than the normal number of submissions also came in for the Carnival of Money Stories, which I just posted. Bloggers must be taking this week off work and spending some of the time working on their sites! At any rate, with that competition I was flattered to see my post on the boutiqueful of clothes my friend inherited from her shop-loving mom. Speaking of acquiring loot, want some free stuff? Check out Madison’s list of Black Friday freebies at My Dollar Plan. At Saving Advice, David wonders whether this is the year to get a fake Christmas tree. OMG! At Raising 4 Boys, good ole’ Dad has figured out how to get LEGO blocks on the cheap! Wish I’d known about that when M’hijito was little.

The Make It From Scratch Carnival has just gone up at Feels Like Home. Hmm…lookit this interesting idea for recycling one of Dad’s shirts or sweaters to make a cute dress for a li’l punkin. With the holidays coming in, you’re likely to have some house guests; here’s a clever, quick, and delicious-looking breakfast croissant casserole! Awesome idea. After you’ve eaten your Thanksgiving turkey (with Funny’s brown gravy recipe that was included in the carnival), go on over to Out of Debt Again and follow Mrs. Accountability’s recipe for making turkey stock—she throws in an extra for potato-zucchini soup, too. As Christmas comes up on us, here’s the secret to how to make scented bath salts. Who knew?

Awww, C’mon! Am I really that dumb?

Seriously. How dumb DO they think we are? And more seriously: could they be right??
This post was written by Funny about Money. 
Late in October I dropped by my doc’s office to get a flu shot. I was there for all of 10 minutes, 8 of them spent in the waiting room. 

Friday, comes a statement from my insurance company: the doctor has charged my insurer $86. The insurer is disallowing it, claiming the Her Doctorness is not in the RAN+AMN network. So now I’m expected to pay this bill.

Yup. You read that right. EIGHTY-SIX BUCKS for a $10 flu shot.

So I shot off an e-mail to her, she also being one of my coreligionists who sang in the choir with me ($86 for a flu shot: ain’t that Christian?). She replied that she was shocked and would get after the office manager. And so she did. Yesterday morning, comes this missive from that worthy:

I am very sorry for the inconvenience. We deal with hundreds of insurance plans and our front office MA should have known that we are out of network for Ran+Amn.  You must understand however that your card also has BENEFIT OPTIONS and BEECH STREET in large letters.  We do participate in these plans and it is the ultimate responsibility of the patient to make sure his or her primary care physician is on the plan.

Grocery store flu shots are less expensive because they are purchased in extreme bulk for the masses.  They also have a greater incidence of side effects, Dr. Wallbanger [my doc friend's senior partner in the practice] tells me.

In our practice, we normally do a nurse visit taking the vitals of the patient receiving the flu shot.  Insurance billing requires that we bill $40 for this procedure and insurance pays whatever they like.

Billing code  90471 is administration of the flu vaccine and the going rate for insurance billing is $26.  The rate for the vaccine itself is $20.

We administer flu shots in our practice as a service to our patients, and when billing insurance there are set amounts for each service provided.

As our front desk did make the error, we will write off all but $20 of the remaining balance for your flu shot.

Total price for a cash pay flu shot is $30, you already paid $10, so
remaining balance is $20.

Again I am very sorry for the inconvenience.

Okay. Are you following this? 

Item 1: The head partner in this practice is actually suggesting, with a straight face, that the vaccine he’s getting is BETTER than the second-rate vaccine dispensed at Walgreen’s or Safeway, where, if I’d had the time and patience to track down a flu shot clinic event, I could have had the shot for a $10 copay.

Oh, dear Dr. Wallbanger: can you spell S-P-E-C-I-O-U-S?

You understand: he and his office manager assume I’m so stupid I will buy this story. 

Item 2: We’re told the insurance company requires that the practice overbill, in the amount of $40, for a grand total of 2 minutes of a junior college graduate’s time.

And Item 3: We learn that really, we shouldn’t believe anything we’re told by the front office staff. Just because the staff says the practice is in-network doesn’t mean it is in-network. In other words: it’s the patient’s responsibility to read our minds. And BTW, try to read RAN+AMN’s corporate mind, too, since that worthy organization does not publish a list of participating providers online, at least not that three Google searches will bring up.

What’s being said here is either “we try to gouge your insurance company and if we can’t get away with it we still overcharge you but only by about half of the overcharge we try to extract from your insurer” or “we think you’re dumb as a post.” Or maybe some combination of those.

Okay, okay, I admit it: They could be right!

This afternoon I donned some garden gloves and rolled the compost bin into the alley by way of trying to salvage it after the Great Bee Fiasco. By the time I got it where I wanted to dump the contaminated compost, wisps of white vapory stuff that looked like smoke were leaking out around the lid. It kept on leaking. “Is it on fire?” I wondered. Felt the side to see if it was hot: no, not especially. So I waited a while till this phenomenon settled down.

Finally opened the lid. White airborne powdery stuff was still floating around inside. 

Waited a while longer. Then rolled the thing upside down and tried to dump out the compost.

No luck. It really needed to be pulled out a fistful at a time, not a practical option with weird (stinky!!!!) white powdery stuff drifting in the air. 

Went into the garage to drag out a little hand-sized pitchfork-like thing. Held my breath and tried to fork out the bin’s contents without inhaling any powdery vapor.

This did not work well, and soon I was fairly certain that if I breathed much more of the “beekeeper’s” crud, it was gunna make me good and sick. Rolled the composter over to the bulk trash pick-up place, where it will sit for the next two and a half months, providing the Trash Cop doesn’t wander up the alley before the next pick-up is scheduled. He hates that.

By the time I finished, my throat was burning and I felt dizzy. Luckily, I’m going to dinner at the home of friends, one of whom is a nurse-practitioner. A psychiatric nurse-practitioner (where was she when I was busy hiring the bee dude?), but a nurse nonetheless. Matter of fact, this is the very friend who gave me the composter as a lovely and much-valued gift, some years ago. She should be able to recognize if I start to croak over during the salad course.

The bee dude’s bill is in hand: Contrary to his listing online as such, this guy is no “beekeeper.” He works for an outfit called “Atomic Exterminating Company.” Atomic, indeed: young Dr. Strangelove nuked my bees, nuked my composter, and damn near nuked me.

Well: Dumb tax, eh?

I’m still left with the question of how we’re supposed to know when service people are lying to us! I guess that requires you to be smarter than this Ph.D. is.